Process of Elimination

Lately I've been realizing that there are a number of people in my life that are extra. I have a ridiculous amount of acquaintances to not be in fucking socialite. This is not to boast about my supposed popularity but instead to say that especially as a highschool senior I have more people involved with me as a "friend" than needed. Recently as I get closer to starting off my life on my own I am stepping back and looking at the people around me noticing that many of them are not worth the fucking time. Like honestly I don't have a best friend but I have some really good ones. There are a LOT of people that I am riding myself of because their insincerity / relevance to my life is disgusting.. That may sound a bit harsh but that is what is on myheart at this point in time. I'm over so them!

xoxo Ronnie <3

Moody

Sometimes I freak out thinking of the uncertainties in my future plans. Sometimes I am furious because of the bullshit that I get from people on the regular for being myself. A lot of time I'm over others and I let my super ego hang out. Other times I feel so loved and grateful for the amazing individuals I am lucky enough to call my friends that nothing else matters. & sometimes I feel so fucking beautiful/fierce/flawless/sexy/breathtaking that I must take a moment to sit in it. This usually comes through in a form of an artist medium i.e. video photo etc.. & that to me is where a lot of my best stuff comes from. Even if it doesn't come out perfectly I lovebeing able to look back on a time where I was able to capture that great feeling.

Christian Siriano

He is my fucking hero. Not only is he one of the hottest designers but he is a beautiful personality to see. Everything about him is so over the top fab/fierce. His young success gives me hope for my career in fashion.. <3

Hide and Seek

Photo Optional

Often times I pride myself on this "fierce" that I poses. Being the thinker that I am I can't help but question how much of that it is rooted in deep insecurities or self question. A big part of what it takes to look really good all the time is to picture yourself in a photo-shoot with the world as your runway/lens and all eyes as the viewer. Strangely enough I find myself starting to believe that I look only the way I see myself in picture I publish online. I literally forget/become unaware of what I look like aside from the picture I choose to represent my image. This came to a head for me recently when using my web cam. I noticed I only liked what I saw when I was making a "cute" face or smiling with my eyes or look at the right angel. It truly is quite sad for me to realize tht I am only comfortable with a narrow selection of my appearance. It's like I project the best of my looks into my head as the whole of my appearance which is so unreal. In order to grow to be totaly comfortable with myself I need to learn when it is okay to not live in front of the camera. As of now I don't feel as if I give myself the Option to not constantly think about being photogenic. In other words I need to not feel ugly if I don't look perfect. It's a difficult issue for me because on one hand I would like to be constantly breath taking but on the other I'd hate to be freakishly self-consc1ious as I often catch myself doing. Who knows.. it's possible that I just need to suck it up and master the art of appearing "forever flawless" or it could be that I just need to calm the fuck down & grow comfortable in my own skin [all of it not just the pretty parts]. So what is a boy to do?

xoxo Ronnell <3

He Got a BIG Ego

"All cockiness aside.. I feel like if I walked into Border's books and saw a young girl sitting on the floor of the social science section in True Religion shorts and a Juicy Couture cardigan next to a Betsey Johnson bag, holding an..eight-hundred page book titled, "Friedrich Nietzsche," I'd have some questions. Why is it that intellect is almost abolutely assumed to be void if an individual appears young and/or attractive? Help me out with the inner-workings of societal assumptions, yeah?"-- Precious Arianna (xpreciousarianna.blogspot.com)

This beings me back to an idea I had a while back about women/ fab men & their ego... It's perfectly fine to be a diva as long as you back your shit up! As long as your excess self assurance is rooted in something substantial beyond the surface level of superficiality then it is legit. Balance your beauty your ora with something meaningful and feel free to get as diva as you like. And remember a true diva is someone who is or is working towards being self sufficient, so in the words of Nicki Minaj, stepp our cookies up!

Character..

"People are like paper bags, they take the shape of the things that are in them" -- me (Ronnell Evans)