Beauty in Himself

It's not uncommon for people like myself who put more than enough work into their outward appearance to expect some sort of recognition or gratification for such efforts. In fact it kind of comes as part of the package. I believe we pay the price for pretty but I have recently been opened up to new insight that should give me a great "discount".

I have always been one to say that if we base our self-worth on what other people think of us or how they respond to things we do then we must be far too insecure. I'd once been advise that I should only care about the opinions of me from those I hold closest. But now I've taken that idea even a step further.

There is no one closer to me than myself. & I alone know my self worth. So, with that being said, I need to put an end to trying to "shit on the world", or be "best dressed" etc.. because I should have then internal satisfaction of my own beauty. As I've said once before being a diva means to establish your ego based on something substantial. I hold up my character, my mind, my style, and parent-ally given gifts [my pretty] as far more than enough evidence to prove just how wonderful I am independent of your opinion or anyone else's. How that reads to other people is a whole nother issue but that is not the topic at hand.

So I must learn to live as a beauty in and for myself concerned with no one else.

xoxo Ronnie Rayvel <3

Exibit A

In response to my "moody" post.



=]

Process of Elimination

Lately I've been realizing that there are a number of people in my life that are extra. I have a ridiculous amount of acquaintances to not be in fucking socialite. This is not to boast about my supposed popularity but instead to say that especially as a highschool senior I have more people involved with me as a "friend" than needed. Recently as I get closer to starting off my life on my own I am stepping back and looking at the people around me noticing that many of them are not worth the fucking time. Like honestly I don't have a best friend but I have some really good ones. There are a LOT of people that I am riding myself of because their insincerity / relevance to my life is disgusting.. That may sound a bit harsh but that is what is on myheart at this point in time. I'm over so them!

xoxo Ronnie <3

Moody

Sometimes I freak out thinking of the uncertainties in my future plans. Sometimes I am furious because of the bullshit that I get from people on the regular for being myself. A lot of time I'm over others and I let my super ego hang out. Other times I feel so loved and grateful for the amazing individuals I am lucky enough to call my friends that nothing else matters. & sometimes I feel so fucking beautiful/fierce/flawless/sexy/breathtaking that I must take a moment to sit in it. This usually comes through in a form of an artist medium i.e. video photo etc.. & that to me is where a lot of my best stuff comes from. Even if it doesn't come out perfectly I lovebeing able to look back on a time where I was able to capture that great feeling.

Christian Siriano

He is my fucking hero. Not only is he one of the hottest designers but he is a beautiful personality to see. Everything about him is so over the top fab/fierce. His young success gives me hope for my career in fashion.. <3

Hide and Seek

Photo Optional

Often times I pride myself on this "fierce" that I poses. Being the thinker that I am I can't help but question how much of that it is rooted in deep insecurities or self question. A big part of what it takes to look really good all the time is to picture yourself in a photo-shoot with the world as your runway/lens and all eyes as the viewer. Strangely enough I find myself starting to believe that I look only the way I see myself in picture I publish online. I literally forget/become unaware of what I look like aside from the picture I choose to represent my image. This came to a head for me recently when using my web cam. I noticed I only liked what I saw when I was making a "cute" face or smiling with my eyes or look at the right angel. It truly is quite sad for me to realize tht I am only comfortable with a narrow selection of my appearance. It's like I project the best of my looks into my head as the whole of my appearance which is so unreal. In order to grow to be totaly comfortable with myself I need to learn when it is okay to not live in front of the camera. As of now I don't feel as if I give myself the Option to not constantly think about being photogenic. In other words I need to not feel ugly if I don't look perfect. It's a difficult issue for me because on one hand I would like to be constantly breath taking but on the other I'd hate to be freakishly self-consc1ious as I often catch myself doing. Who knows.. it's possible that I just need to suck it up and master the art of appearing "forever flawless" or it could be that I just need to calm the fuck down & grow comfortable in my own skin [all of it not just the pretty parts]. So what is a boy to do?

xoxo Ronnell <3