Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Catch of The Day

It's easy to forget the value of your worm until you launch it out into the water and watch the fish try their hardest to make it their own. Haha Everyone could use a little reminder here or there. & mine feels good.

Bunches of Love <3
Ronnell ;~]

Monday, August 17, 2009

Progress: A step closer on my independence.

I start work tomorrow. I am beyond excited! It feels really validating to finally be under employment. I am feeling so much more comfortable, especially at this pivotal period in my life. The day that I can go to work and come home with a check large enough to not need any handouts will be like this times twelve.

Although it sucks to be in a position where being your true self will minimize your support system it feels (emotionally or financially) the early leap to self reliance will get me that much closer to being used to making it on my own. It's a step by step process and this is just the beginning. After I get the financials right I get to relocate to surround myself with those who do support me.

And the rest of my life's structure will revolve around my work and my surroundings. Aaahh, I'm just really happy to be me right now. Feels wonderful to be making something of yourself and I think it's all gonna be alright.

Bunches of Love<3
Ronnell ;~]

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Sometimes It's Like..

Are you gay? Then once you're gay, it's like..Are you feminine? then once you're feminine, it's like are you a slut? then once you're a slut, it's like.. Do you have aids? Then once you have aids, it's like.. oh never mind.

That's just a thought I had that went on for a while inmy head so I decided to let it out. But my main point here is to express the layer upon layer of presure that I experience on a daily basis. Even after coming out I still feel an immense amount of social restrictions on me being from both the gay and straight community to be a certain way to fit a certain mold.

Trust me it is confusing, it is a challenge, it is annoying, & it makes it that much more difficult for me to just do what I want at the end of the day without thinking twice. I know that I am usually a strong like willed person etc and like all for being yourself and self expression but honestly I'm 17 & outside opinion/perception still probably has more of an affect on my development than it should.

I know I can't let these social norms go too far into my core because it'll make me miserable but sometimes it's like existing outside of or in between them can become pretty miserable too.

Bunches of Love <3
Ronnell ;~]

Sunday, August 9, 2009

View. Gag. Vote.

Vogue Evolution

Oh dear, it's not everyday that I bounce in front of my television snapping my fingers and shouting out cheers of encouragement. Today was special. On America's best dance crew the Vogue Evolution group hit close to home for me & now have my full support. Although their image and their energy is larger than life and there fore much larger than mine I dtill feel honored to finally be represented in the mainstream. I mean c'mon two of my favorites gay people and dancers what a wonderful combination.

The entertainment value is undeniable. & the talent is totally there. The vogue style has come from an unseen, unheard of style to being featured on national Music television.
The creativity, plus the comfort-ability in their own skin, in addition to the empowerment is allinspiring.

To be honest the whole show is pretty amazing there is so much talent but I must admit that I am somewhat biased here. It will definitely be interesting for me to see how America responds and just how far they will make it. Again, their achievements thus far alone are monumental. I am happy for them, I am driven to learn to vogue, I am so proud, and I'm excited for what's next to come.

Bunches of Love<3
Ronnell ;~]

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Making My Way

Everyone has their own coming of age experiences. Around the time in life where adolescence comes to a close and adulthood takes off from the starting line. That ever challenging time where you're out on your own for the first time to make something of yourself, of your life, and of your future. It's where we find out who can meet their full potential. I feel as if I'm being thrown into this part right now but at an accelerated pace.

I feel like if I don't rise to the challenge of life on my own I have way too much to lose. Aside from feeling a lack of support from some of the most important place and an absent finance there is much more at stake here. It's almost like if things don't work out the way I plan or better I can easily be written off as a has-been [before I started], wonna-be, failed etc.

I'm sure a lot of this is an echo of someone else's experience somewhere & that's part of what lets me know it can be done. I have recently come to the conclusion that my circumstances are not as one of a kind as they may feel. There are other people who have been in worse [positions that myself and still archived great success beyond measure.

So here I am at 17 years old giving my all to upgrade myself. I need to get myself in the position of a grown ass man as fast as I can to eliminate that dependency on those who aren't worth my energy. Because I refuse to let go of my dreams, to conform to their comfort level, to live within their view of success I must take steps towards my own path of self-completion...

Using their negativity or disapproval as motivation for me to get that job, drive that car, perfect that technique, pass those classes, and above all just be my best so I can get where I need to. Never will I decide to do things your way or they way or her way so I have to work to make things I want in my life manifest themselves my way. I currently find myself racing from maturity to pure independence. Living for the day I can tell that fuck that I don't need them anymore and go in with my life.

Sometimes, I get really tired of trying to force people to accept me and I just want to delete them. My own success is the best way for that to happen as of now.

“He who defines duty for himself is his own master.” -- Dick Cheatam"

Wish me luck! <3
Ronnell ;~]

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Be secure in your shit!

Took the words out of my life. & he IS a pretty man.

Bunches of Love<3
Ronnell ;~]

Sunday, August 2, 2009

I can dig it.

Brandon Webman

This guy's amazing & he can sing.

Bunches of Love<3

Pretty Boy

A term which has always taken on many meanings. In my earlier years of adolescence, around the time when I first heard of it, it seemed to be the only alternative to a lief as a thug/criminal or an athlete. The way I saw it I could either get really good at a sport (like my older brother) or get really tough like most of me older male relatives and lead a similar life to theirs. But then there was the slightly less though, typically better dressed and more appealing "pretty boys".

Shortly after a few years of experiencing the seriousness, the roughness, and the dedication involved in sports team or individual I realized the sports guy thing was not for me. So I took all that energy and put it towards my look. By the end of the eighth grade I was a full blown "pretty boy". The style always came first. That was around the time I came up the the idea that "It shouldn't mater if you're late as long as you look good when you get there."

Upon entering high school fashion trends and the importance of image and the seriousness, the dedication focused around looking good consistently helped me to realize how much I loved it. Getting dressed, piecing together outfits, hygiene, and shopping were among my favorite things to do. This was also around the time that I discovered my Love for dance. At this point for me being the pretty boy meant being able to indulge in my own character through the art of style/fashion, without having to undergo the repercussions of being a homosexual (although there should be none).

Luckily by my junior year with a great support system and liberal education I grew into self acceptance and grew out of that damn closet. I am now open about who I am & still probably one of the prettiest boys you'll meet ;~] But now that energy around how "pretty" of a boy I am has transferred over directly into how feminine or how masculine of a gay I am. & I see the cycle starting itself all over again but this time I don't really like it.

There is a stigma attached to being an overtly flamboyant gay. It's assumed that if you're that way then you want to be a woman, etc. I understand that there are individuals who are transsexual and other things of that nature and that's great but the dichotomy of the butch/fem standard that many homosexuals are held to is very restricting.

The way I see it with regards to myself is that it's important to be a balanced person meaning the best of both worlds.I work obtaining only the smooth charming elements of masculinity and only the elegant glamorous elements of femininity. So for me now the term "pretty boy" has taken on yet another new meaning. The pretty representing the aesthetic value of me look beyond gender roles. The boy stands for the pride and full ownership I hold towards for my gender.

Be yourself, if that means being a pretty boy ugly girl or something in between, then so be it if that's what floats your boat just be prepared to deal with what will come your way as a result.

Bunches of Love <3